How am I doing?

Well…

  • The IRS still hasn’t finished processing New Way’s 501(c)3 application, so we don’t yet have our non-profit bulk mail permit, so our advertising costs for our launch campaign are going to be higher than planned.
  • I think I may be coming down with something between a cold and a flu.
  • Since adding a puppy to our household, I have had less sleep every night.
  • I have no idea what I’m doing.
  • I still miss my father.
  • I am still processing all sorts of confusing thoughts and feelings about life and death.
  • I am far away from my siblings and my mother.
  • I am not as good a husband or father as I would like to be.
  • I am easily distracted.
  • I am heavier than I want to be.
  • I am becoming increasingly aware of my own mortality.
  • I keep fighting the same spiritual battles over and over.
  • I am connected with an organization that is experiencing simultaneous financial, cultural, and structural crises.
  • I regularly struggle to understand the big questions, let alone their answers.
  • I treat my dark side like a pet.
  • I’m tired.

But on the other hand…

  • I have an amazingly solid marriage to a wonderful person.
  • Every one of my kids is a healthy, intelligent, loving, happy person.
  • I live in a good house in a nice neighborhood in a fun city in a privileged nation in an amazing time in a beautiful world.
  • I am living out a life’s dream, and not for the first time.
  • I am in constant dialogue with amazing people all around me.
  • Our puppy is really, really cute. And sweet. And (for a puppy) quite easygoing.
  • I don’t need to worry about personal finances.
  • I love and am loved by many people.
  • I can play music any time I like.
  • I live near The Salt Lick, Torchy’s Tacos, and a hundred good coffee shops.
  • I’ve been making good progress on New Way’s website.
  • I’m excited by what seems to me to be a new wave swelling far off shore in the broad spiritual movement that is the New Church.
  • I like what I do.
  • I have a pool.
  • I am rarely too cold anymore.
  • I had a great family Christmas.
  • I mostly can make my own hours.
  • I am regularly amazed, enlightened and moved by what I learn from God’s Word.

So, all in all, I guess…what?

I guess life doesn’t work that way. It’s not a balance sheet, or a see-saw, or a list. So what is it? Well, mostly it’s a “now” that’s heavily complicated by a no-longer existant past and a never quite here future.

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